RANDOM STUFF AND FUNNY STUFF

Glad to be able to do this post. It’s been a long long time since I saw my lovely blogspot and updated, so sad and even sadder is the fact that I’ve not been able to catch up with some lovely blogs I follow like amaka’s notepad, sweetly broken, naija bank girl, gistdotcom, thirdworldprofashional and a host of others. Phew….am tired of complaining of my temporary involuntary hiatus.

So, I have this my cousin Scratch, he is the “randomest” blogger I ever saw if there was ever any word like that and he did this post sometime, it really got me rolling on the floor with laughter. Here is hoping that the laughter will make up for my days of absence, Please check him out at http://scratchbrovaman.wordpress.com

MUSIC AND ME
It was 3pm on a Tuesday afternoon
I sat at my desk staring at the huge pile of work I had infront of me,
“these people will not kill me sha” I grumbled to myself as I took all the papers up in one hand and flung them back on the table with disregard.

I shouldn’t be doing this, this is not me, I can do better than this
I stood up from my desk and walked over to the window, staring at the blazing sun till tears started forcing their way out of my eyes (just like in a 90’s RnB video), In slow motion I looked away from the sun and walked back to my seat and THAT was when it hit me.
I can sing, I used to rap before, I just got bored of hiphop, there are a lot of nonsense songs out there, if I could just make one nice track and it hits, OMO, life will be better,
I began to imagine myself on stage with the likes of Dbanj, Tuface and the rest, This is the life mehn….. just sing one song, let everybody like it and you will jump on stage with superstars and become one yourself….
Why don’t you just do it
What the hell, I stood up from my desk, packed my laptop, and headed to the door,
“and where are you going young man” my boss asked
“im going to chase my destiny, am off to realize my dreams, this isn’t where I belong, I belong out there, to the fans, to the industry, to MUUUSSSSIIIIICCCCC (and maybe movies later cos I hear musicians are now acting these days)” I replied
“hahahahahahaha” he laughed hysterically
ok so my boss has this really annoying laughter that he does, where he thunders the whole earth, and the whole city will know hes around….i can almost swear that one day there was a thunderstorm and my boss was in a good mood so he was laughing crazy that day, I swear, there was no thunder from the sky….no am serious….am not joking I swear….am beginning to think that anytime theres a thunder its just my boss laughing somewhere…..the irony of it all is that my boss is mean faced so I basically don’t understand how a mean faced person like him can produce such a thunderous laughing sound….I DIGRESS.
“so are you saying you’re quitting your job?” he asked
“Yes, and I know you don’t believe in me, but I will show you and the rest of the world that music is my calling.”I replied with confidence.
“ok o” he replied “good luck in your career, but when you decide to come back please buy a bottle of groundnuts for me, I need it for tomorrow.”
“ok sir, thanks for understanding” I said
I left the office and headed straight to the ATM, withdrew my last 40k, the last money in my account, my life savings that I started saving last month when I got this job, my all in all, my everything….as the withdrawal alert came on my fone, I didn’t even bother checking because I knew my account balance was N43:03k, WHO CARES? By this evening I would be a superstar….i would be receiving calls from the biggest promoters in the music industry….i would be a BIGBOY, cos my LEVELS GO DON CHANGE TO 10/10, as a VERY GOOD BAD GUY.
I headed directly to the studio in my area, a session is 40k and I paid it immediately, the producer was less busy so he had time to record me immediately and he ushered me into the studio.
“do you already have a beat in mind or should I play one out for you and you record on it??” he asked
“nahh, I don’t have none, Im just gonna do my thing on any beat yo” I replied with one stupidly fake American accent that even my soul began asking me how many demons entered me in the office.

the beat came on
“yea, yea….uhun….thats right…..yo…..yea.,….” I was feeling the beat bouncing my head to it, 0:33 seconds into the track already
“yea…common….uhun….its your boy……”
Shit I don’t have a stage name, whatever jo
“its your boy scratchbrovaman….this is hiphop yo….”
Shit I don’t know any songs, time is goin…..
“can we take that again? “ the produced called from the other end
“yes I was about to suggest that” I replied
“you ready” he called
“yea….stone me with the beat” I screamed….
The beat came on again

SHIT I DON’T KNOW ANY SONGS……40k is wasting…..session na 5 hours….OMG…na my last money be that….what the hell do I do??
“baby….i need you …common baby….i need you in my life….oh baby….yea…common….baby…..you know I want you….baby….common”
Chorus
“baaayyyyyyybbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy, baby babay baby ooooooh my baby “
Verse 2
“common baby you know I need you common baby just like I said in verse one, baby you know I want you common baby….oh baby please come to me…baby..”
Chorus again
“baaayyyyyyybbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy, baby babay baby ooooooh my baby “
Verse 3
“oh baby I need you in my life…oh baby I can never let you go common baby….oh baby this is verse 3, I did three verses for you….common baby I love you, marry me baby baby baby baby”
Chorus till fade
Well five hours later that was what I came up with…..
Its still in the studio….the producer told me he will mix and master it and send to me, he cannot promote such….he promotes only Gospel songs, it’s a new policy of his studio,…it started today….yes today during my recording….something about the spirit in him telling him to promote only gospel songs…..no he does not know any other promoters….i shouldn’t tell anyone I recorded the track in his studio….well at least he gave me back 500naira for transport.
Yes I went back to work the next morning
Yes I bought the ground nuts……